I’m very stressed out. I confess that stress is the most primal emotion I must express about this week’s episode of The Americans. Maybe it’s the adrenaline of that Blackhawks overtime win, or the subject matter, but tonight had me uneasy.

Backstory: When I was growing up, I would always get super-invested into characters I could relate to. I realize that statement by itself means nothing; that’s how movies and TV are successful. However, my youthful obsession with reliability went to the further reaches of a character’s ethos. It would almost always have to line up with mine. I watched the pilot of Entourage with my family when I was 12. The second they lost my interest was the second Kevin Connolly picked up a bong. I suddenly did not understand this person. When I was 12, that was the dumbest activity a person could partake in. In the ten years since, I still don’t partake, but I have grown to sympathize with its use.

So when Phillip, my guy, the tormented Soviet soul, goes ballistic over organized religion, I’m going to feel a bit on edge as a Catholic. The fire that angry Matthew Rhys just barely contains is powerful. I feared for everyone Paige had met in the last month. However, they brought things back around rather quickly. Paige, in her teenage wisdom, donated $600 to the church without telling her parents. It’s a principle that churches need donation to survive, but this is where the line is drawn.

However, Phillip isn’t upset about the money. He may not even be upset about Paige’s actions. It’s how Phillip’s emotional investment in this war has bloomed into something more that horrifies him. What these sleeper agents do is such a hard thing. They don’t believe in democracy or God or many of the things I believe in, but damnit, it’s really hard to be these people. For better or worse, The Americans really wallows in it, but with poise (if that’s possible). Remember that big mission I’ve been talking about for weeks? Well, it finally happened in about the first five minutes of the show. I don’t know if I was expecting an all-out gunfight in a minefield a la Sons of Anarchy, but the Jennings got in and got out before I knew what was happening. Unfortunately, Phillip had to kill a young soldier in the process.

The Americans continues to play this card for emphasis, and it’s really working. One little incident wouldn’t affect a trained killer like Phillip. He’s made of stone; the nicks have to come in waves if anyone hopes to crack it. Everything is on the verge of revealing itself after this blow. The Jennings really love to take turns being the upset one, but their erratic lifestyle does that to a couple. Speaking of which, Sandra just up and left Stan. I felt like it was poetic justice, as she’s had little to do on the show since Stan fell in love with Nina. The scene plays out oddly, but their relationship has never been something to root for.

You want to talk about a side character with some bravado? Look no farther than Agent Gad. After almost two seasons of working the bureaucracy, Gad goes right up to Arkady at lunch in hopes of saving his own ass. It’s like pen pal chess players finally meeting. Arkady’s response to an attempted blackmail is, albeit, vague, but the tension between these two men is as real as the sun.

Returning back to Phillip, his fight with Paige was a brilliant, in-your-face performance by Matthew Rhys. There’s a balance of silence and shouting that saves it from being hammy. Paige has crossed a line with Phillip. In his defense, she’s not being very respectful. She thinks her parents are liars, but she doesn’t know how to attack the situation. She has no idea what she has, but then again, how could she? Elizabeth’s late-night punishment really puts everything into perspective for the Jennings family. Rather than going from poor farmers to homemakers with toaster ovens, the new life they have spoils their children. Maybe Paige would understand if she knew. That’s a bridge we will inevitably cross.

I will close with saying that I’m glad neither the church was burned down nor was Phillip suddenly changed on a dime. It was a relief, and the episode really needed one. 48 minutes without a single joke is no life. Not even Henry gets a one-liner in. Definitely not going to be pushing this show on my parents anymore, though.

P.S. Last week of coverage next week. Get ready for a super-sized, speculation-filled final review. It’s really been a good ride.