Winston got into the police academy! Clearly, this was episode’s titular “big news,” right?

I wish it were. Unfortunately, we’re still dealing with the breakup of Nick and Jess. In the last new episode, they realized they suddenly didn’t want the same things and decided they missed being friends. Here, they each have to deal with the typical heartbreak and aftermath of ending a loving relationship, except they live in the same apartment. And they’re trying to keep it a secret from everyone because…I’m not really sure.

I looked forward to the Winston and CeCe/Schmidt stuff because it felt more in step with what New Girl does, and it was certainly funnier. I just think after all the dragging Nick and Jess stuff we’ve had to deal with for the last two episodes, we desperately needed some amusement. It’s not that Nick explaining the mating habits of monkeys isn’t funny. It’s just that it happened around such a depressing, tiresome situation.

  

There hasn’t been a valid enough reason for them to break up. It came out of nowhere. Caught us off guard. Totally inorganic. One minute they’re each in bed, hungover from the previous night’s round of True American. The next, they’re arguing over the future of their non-existent kids while badly putting together a kid’s birthday toy for Jess’ gynecologist friend. It absolutely seems like a case of the writers hitting a dead end with the relationship (week after week of obstacles for the couple to endure but overcoming them), and just needed to end it, as show creator Elizabeth Meriwether pretty much admitted.

Not to say this episode was completely without its merits. It introduced the concept of a “Honey Roast,” the anti-Friar’s Club roast, to the masses. This was thanks, of course, to new LAPD police academy entrant Winston Bishop. In the words of CeCe, “they’re giving him a gun.” Seriously? There’s not a yawn adorable enough to let someone that bizarre and screw up-prone serve and protect.

Jess thinks Nick isn’t handling the breakup as hard as she is. She’s in full Dirty Dancing repeat viewing mode, circa the pilot, but Nick isn’t handling things any better. Thanks to some “advice” from his mute Asian friend Tran from the park, he tries to bury his feelings with work for Winston’s banquet. Coach eventually finds out from Nick that he and Jess are kaput. Then CeCe. Then Schmidt, who provides some anxiety meds to Nick and that ends as badly as you’d expect. Everyone tries to not tell Winston so they can keep the Honey Roast top priority, but a drunken and cat-costumed Jess finally admits how awful she’s been feeling. Then the pill-popping Nick follows suit. Hard to move on when your ex lives with you, but the last moments from the episode showed that they can at least get support from each other.

CeCe wants to finally get her GED and Schmidt wants to tutor her. They will hook back up together at some point. Initially, I didn’t want this to happen because of how awful Schmidt was to her, but clearly she needs some stability in life. She’s stopped being a model. She’s dating a 20 year-old Australian kid. She’s bartending, horribly, and has no direction in her life. Dating a two-timing womanizer who will mostly likely cheat on her again would be an improvement at this point.

I have little idea what this season is leading up to. It started in the aftermath of Nick and Jess admitting their feelings and Schmidt recovering from CeCe. Maybe it ends with the latter two reconciling. It’s starting to feel just like how we all met these crazy, fractured kids back in season one. Except almost everyone has slept with each other.