This week, the Heave staff was asked:

What’s the best way to show affection to that special someone on Valentine’s Day?

Ben Kessell

Alerting your partner before going in dry.

Matt Brassil

Like this:

Maggie Lyons, I love you more than anything. The past 13 months together have been the best of my life. You help me become the man I want to be every day. You inspire me with your kindness and consideration for other people. The world would be a far better place if there were more people like you in it. I hope you are having a wonderful Monday in Disney. I cannot wait until you make your way home to me. You are my best friend. Oh, and thanks for reading my articles.

Alex Borkowski

Every time someone asks me this question, I feel like a dad trying to find some common ground with an angst-ridden teen: “Uhhh…food? Do you still like to eat food? Are flowers gauche now? I don’t know. Will you get mad at me if I buy you chocolates?” I’m just not prepared for the fast-paced world of 21st century dating.

Frank Macarthy

As someone who is typically single around Valentine’s Day, I don’t have much advice to contribute. I’m just gonna sit back and take notes…

Johnny Coconate

Give them the hearts of their enemies. Bitches love hearts.

Meghan Bongartz

Pizza. Pizza is always the best way to show affection. The key to my heart is made out of melted cheese.

Dominick Suzanne-Mayer

If this past Friday’s activities are of any indication, heckling your way through a screening of Endless Love is a pretty good approach.