Every Thursday in Rambling Dispatches, resident malcontent Quinn McGee rants about whatever he damn well pleases.

So there’s this thing that writers tend to do every summer, and now that I’ve been writing for Heave for almost a year, I feel it’s time that I joined the bandwagon. Of course, I’m talking about summer movie lists. It’s universal that everyone has their top movies they’re excited for, what movies they think are going to get nominated for some award or what movie is going to be an utter flop and become the film world’s laughingstock. For 2013, that title has already been firmly secured by Tyler Perry’s Temptation, and I can’t see that changing regardless of what else comes out, except maybe The Internship. That movie looks like a steaming pile.

To be honest, the constant stream of these articles and blogs makes me kind of depressed. To see all of these new releases in theaters in Chicago, with Chicago ticket prices, I would probably go broke. The only way I see movies is when I rent them later on, even then after the month or two when there’s a rental embargo set by studios to make people buy the movies instead. This all said, I’m super excited for a few of the movies coming out this summer, but less so about the inevitable spoilers that’re bound to come while I wait. So in the spirit of the traditional summer movies list, I thought I’d shake it up a bit, while tossing in some sad reality. I present to you:

Quinn McGee’s Top Three Autumn DVD Releases for Those Who Miss the Boat

1) Star Trek Into Darkness

I’m excited for this for many reasons. I’ve watched a fair amount of Star Trek on TV and a few of the movies. It’s a fantastic series, and a great universe to draw from. When I saw the reboot of the Star Trek franchise in 2009, I was blown away. It was an incredibly faithful update that brought the feel of the original shows and movies into modern times, with all of the special effects and big-theater gusto expected of action and sci-fi today. I honestly don’t think the new film will be that ruined for me by the time it comes out on DVD, because the progression of films like this is generally the same. The hero always prevails against the odds, and there you have it. The only things that can be spoiled for me are exactly what the big dramatic sequences are and which red shirts die. It’s one of those movies that I’ll probably just buy when it’s released, one of the rare ones like Django Unchained. I hope the movie will live up to the hype it’s getting, because chances are it’s the last one. With the shadow of Star Wars looming over J.J. Abrams’ head, Star Trek is probably going to get handed over to another director and potentially ruined. Hopefully not.

2) Kick-Ass 2

There’s a reason why I don’t really care if I see this on DVD: I never saw the first one in theaters, and I didn’t regret it. The reason I’m so jazzed about Kick-Ass 2 is because it boasts the return of Jim Carrey in a role that he actually can be utilized in. I’m not saying that Mr. Popper’s Penguins was a horrible idea, but it was a movie more for the likes of Kevin James or someone of similar quality. Carrey impressed me most in Batman Forever, when he played The Riddler in what’s my second favorite Batman villain performance. I feel like Col. Stars and Stripes is going to be another role that he just loses himself in, much like The Riddler, and blows everyone away. I hope it’s not a disappointment.

3) Pacific Rim

This is a no-brainer, because it’s going to be ridiculous. It’s giant robots versus giant monsters in a movie directed by the same guy that directed the Hellboy films and Pan’s Labyrinth, as well as wrote the screenplay for The Hobbit. Guillermo Del Toro is the perfect pick to direct a movie that has so much potential to go off the rails like just about every other big-budget action flick that comes out each summer. With huge robots and aliens, you have the potential for another Battleship, but with Del Toro, you have the potential for a movie with plot, surreal effects and fantastic direction. Even if the movie isn’t what I’m expecting, and goes the way of Blade 2, it’s still a major action flick with robots and aliens. Who am I to complain about that?

Truth is, I rent just about every DVD that comes out, including the bad ones. I just watched The Guilt Trip recently, because Netflix makes it so damn easy. (It stars Barbra Streisand, so just think of me watching that alone. It’s as sad as you think, but worse because it’s the best film I think she’s done, which means I’ve seen others.) Hopefully this summer movies season is a good one, because I just finished Jack Reacher and I could really use a new batch of movies.