Love, she is an elusive thing. The age of the internet has made it less so; it’s easier than ever, now, to find a sense of community within any sort of romantic or sexual subculture. No matter your kink or turn-on, you’re no longer alone in the world, and somebody, somewhere is out there who also wants you to lustfully slather tomato sauce onto their torso or scream the screenplay of Double Team in your face line-for-line en flagrante.

Then, there are the people like me, who understand and respect those people while also feeling disappointed deep down that this column couldn’t have just been titled “Car Fucker.”

Because, kids, that’s the tale I have for you today. Edward Smith, a gentleman from Washington state, did an interview with the Five network back in 2008 about a very specific kind of fetish that he’s harbored for virtually his entire life. As he says:

Mr. Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men.

As long as he’s been experiencing sexual urges, they were also associated with motor vehicles. This isn’t limited to cars, though. For as much as I truly do empathize with what’s got to be a pretty rough hand as far as incurring mockery goes, there is a bit of inherent comedy in something like this:

But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was “making love” to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.

The thing that’s both admirable and a bit bizarre about Edward is that most of the thousand (thousand!) cars he’s been intimate with in his lifetime have been either those in museums or belonging to strangers. It takes courage to steal a car. It probably takes a kind of courage you and I cannot even begin to fathom to nail it while it sits in a suburban garage.

For the full story, The Examiner told the tale in preparation for the TV special “My Car Is My Lover” that aired about Smith. If you wish to inquire further, part one of said special can be found on YouTube; embedding has been barred, perhaps because this man is probably getting it from all sides already.

And finally, whenever you get inevitable to the inevitable question of how, this handy primer to car fucking can probably answer some of your burning questions.

(Many thanks to Chuck Rios for making this week’s In Case You Missed It possible. As in turning us on to the news, not for car pleasuring.)