The Week That Was

Friday: Oh hey, Prince.Whatcha been up to? Writing fight songs? I feel you. NO I DO NOT. Prince wrote a fight song called “Purple and Gold” for the Minnesota Vikings after he was positively inspired by their win against the Dallas Cowboys. Check these lyrics out: “the eyes say ready 4 battle/no need 4 sword in hand/we r all amped up like a rock n roll band.” With a soundtrack like that, Future Alyssa is shocked to report that the Vikings didn’t win the NFC Championship. Maybe if they sing that song from the start of the season it’ll work its magic better. 

Saturday: My lil’ feminist heart is beating ever so quickly as this news develops—last month, it was reported that Lilith Fair would return this summer. So far, Erykah Badu, Tegan and Sara, Metric, and Chairlift were confirmed. However, there’s a whole new batch of ladies (with some male backing band members) to announce! Cat Power, Gossip, La Roux, Beth Orton, Norah Jones, Kate Nash, and Heart. Needless to say, I cannot wait for this fest. 

Sunday: Can we talk about Legion for a second? Because otherwise, y’all know I’m just going to complain about how Avatar made $34 million more this weekend. So, Legion. Is it OK that the trailer for this movie scares the pants off of me? Like, what’s the deal with that terrifying, yet sweet old lady in the diner who climbs on the ceiling? Why are these angels so stretchy? Can someone see this movie for me and let me know? Also, how on earth did The Tooth Fairy manage to make $14 million? So many unanswered questions.  

Monday: Thankfully, more and more musicians are finding ways to creatively donate money for Haitian earthquake relief. Wilco posted recordings of two great live shows on their website for download! While you can download them for free, they’re asking that you donate at least $15 to Oxfam or Doctors Without Borders. $15 for an important cause AND shows that featured Feist, Ed Droste (Grizzly Bear) and Yo La Tengo? Money well spent. 

Speaking of earthquake relief, the “Hope for Haiti Now” telethon has raised more than $61 million to date. But, let’s remember the best thing that came out of the telethon: OMG Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were in the same room! Sometimes I wonder if tabloid reporters feel terrible writing stories that focus on the celebrity love triangles at a charitable event rather than the event itself.  

Tuesday: This is all I’ve ever wanted—an indie lullaby album. And it comes out the day after my birthday! By the way, I’m not going to stop mentioning the actual day of my birth ever. It’s called Sing Me to Sleep: Indie Lullabies. Minus the slightly predictable title, it sounds very promising: Stars covering the Smiths, an original Sigur Ros song, Papercuts covering Don Henley, and so on. Also, sales will benefit the Valerie Fund, which supports children with cancer and blood disorders. Get it on May 18.     

Check out Fever Ray’s acceptance speech. And her face. 

I’m giving YACHT the award for Best Back-up Band name: The Straight Gaze. Check out that threesome (and Jona Bechtolt and Claire L. Evans) on tour from mid-February to late March. 

Wednesday: Susan Sarandon spanked grown men dressed as pigs at an Of Montreal show in New York. I’d post the video, but it’s not all that entertaining. Besides the fact that it’s Ms. Sarandon, spanking faux pigs seems commonplace for that crew. 

Pete Doherty is officially the rockiest, starriest person I (don’t) know. Get this: on December 21, he was in court to face reckless driving charges. As he was leaving the courtroom, heroin fell out of his pocket. HEROIN! OUT OF HIS POCKET! Who brings heroin to a courtroom? Yeah, ok. An addict. But still! I feel like that’s akin to having a prostitute stuffed in your pants when you’re in court for robbery. 

Thursday: On the list of people that I don’t want to associate with oral sex, Black Francis is pretty close to the top. On March 30, the (former? Maybe getting back together?) frontman of the Pixies will release his solo album, NonStopErotik. Sexy title, right? Misspelled words always get me hot and bothered. Anyway, one of the tracks is titled “When I Go Down on You.” Interpret that however you will—it could easily be a protest song about the troop surge in Afghanistan.