Attention fans of Slick Rick, makers of Woofers, and I’m looking at you John Paul Jones, Bass tones could become a thing of the past. I came across this wacky ass story so I thought I’d share.

According to a group known as SCRARP(Sound Caught Resonating At Roaming Pitches) increased carbon emissions have lead to an abundance of invisible carbon clouds drifting at low levels in the earth’s atmosphere.

The density and proliferation of these clouds is such that up to three per cent more ambient sound is being lost to the atmosphere than is normal - and those figures are likely to rise.

Scientists claim that the pitch of lower tones means that they are more liable to absorption than higher ones.

Furthermore, scientists are testing prototypes of innovative devices known as ‘carbon mufflers’, which could be planted on the roofs of houses to help suck up wandering carbon clouds.

I don’t know about you kids but either Scientolgy has finally infultrated our scientific communities or Yoko One is trying to make people buy up her back catalog. Who know’s?

The Hives exploded in sonic glory to a sold out crowd at the Metro here in Chicago Sunday night, and if you weren’t there, I pity you. If they aren’t all ready, they should be one of your favorite bands. Why you ask? Is it their incredibly catchy music that you can’t help but jump and dance to? Is it their live shows that are like a Molotov cocktail of sound doused in sweat? Is it their dapper stage appeal and charismatic good looks? Of course it’s all of the above that makes The Hives one of the best live acts that I’ve seen in my life, and I’ve spent a really good amount of time and money at live shows. I first saw The Hives back in the summer of 2004. The show was life changing in a way, and as I walked home that evening drenched in sweat and unable to hear, I knew that this band now held the key to my musical heart.

I felt just the same way last night, as the band powered through their set full of crowd favorites (”Main Offender,” “Hate to Say I Told You So”) and showcased new tracks from their upcoming release The Black and White Album, out November 13th. I know that many people don’t like to dance, they prefer the arms crossed head nod stance at a show, but before you attend a Hives show, know this. You are expected to dance, you are expected to clap and scream, and you are expected to devote the next few hours to your allegiance of The Hives, so unless your going to pogo up in the air with me, please stay home fair concert goers.

But I digress back to what really matters, and that is the music at hand. The Hives are loud fast punk infused rock ‘n’ roll music, and singer Howlin’ Pelle Almqvist is the perfect catalyst for their music to really make their shows pop. He is the quintessential front man, and all singers in all rock bands should be required to see him perform. He commands the stage with a force that will knock you off your feet, crawling over audience members, throwing his mic up in the air, and jumping into a high flying kicks at least once during every song. Pelle is the backbone of The Hives, demanding love and adoration from the audience and winning over even the most skeptical of critics with his witty banter, boyish good looks (phew, he is one fine looking fellow), and charismatic charm.

The Hives are fierce and abrasive, and they know that they are by far the best band in the world. Just ask them, and they will tell you this is true. And after last night, the fact that I still can’t hear because the ringing in my ears yet I can’t stop listening to their latest single “Tick Tick Boom” on repeat, just goes to show you that in fact The Hives are the best band in the world. It would be a crime not to see them live, so I order you to make it your quest in life to see this band before you die. Just make sure you bring your dancing shoes and be prepared to have your socks rocked by the best band ever, and that is the honest to god truth.