This week, the Heave staff was asked:

You’re given the chance to pick up one talent you don’t currently have. What do you take, and why?

Quinn McGee
I always wished I knew how to play the cello or violin. Something about those instruments really interests me, and it’s something I always wish I had the time to learn or work on.

Tom Harrison
The ability to play guitar. I’ve tried to learn once or twice, but apparently people haven’t realized that there are too many strings for the number of fingers that most humans have. I feel like someone should have picked up on that by now.

Adam Cowden
Computer hacking, because it makes you a modern-day Jedi.

Ben Kessell
Auto-fellatio. You know why.

Jonathan Mondragon
I would like to read kanji in Japanese. Even Japanese people have trouble understanding these, so it would be an awesome talent to possess while learning the language.

Johnny Coconate
I’d like the ability to feel apathy toward certain subjects I can’t control, because world domination seems like a real bitch and I don’t want to go through that.

Marissa Morales
I just wanna be Beyonce, man. That’s a skill I’ll never have.

Dominick Mayer
The ability to draw. As a kid I’d always imagine escaping the misery of elementary school life by drawing the elaborate worlds I saw in my imagination, but then I’d set pencil to paper and realize that I struggle with basic stick figures or geometric shapes. So I just started reading pro wrestling trade magazines in class instead.