A while back, I did a post inspired by Mulan. You all laughed at me. You said it couldn’t be done. You said I was risking the farm on a pipe dream that would never pay off and would leave me destitute and clothed in piss-soaked rags in a refrigerator box in the alley, washing my hair with rainwater.

Well, I sure showed all of you Negative Nancys. I did it and it was fabulous. Okay, it wasn’t that great. It was more than tolerable. Can we leave it at that? Good.

So today I’m back with an outfit inspired by Pocahontas. I have to say, she is one of my least favorite Disney princesses. My favorite is Jasmine. I don’t really know why I don’t like Pocahontas. Maybe because as a kid I was really interested in the colonization of America – I grew up close enough to Plymouth, Massachusetts – and was very well aware that the Disney version didn’t resemble history very closely at all. It was like a fun house mirror version of history. All tall and squiggly with a stumpy torso and a horrendously big nose. It was horrible.

🙁

But I do like the way Pocahontas was drawn. Is it just me – and not to be racist, I swear – or were the DPOC (Disney Princesses of Color) actually drawn/animated better than the Caucasian ones? I mean, come on: Jasmine. Pocahontas. The one from Princess & The Frog, who is so pretty.

Eh, whatever.

Here’s a fandom!secret I found about Pocahontas. Yes. Apparently people make fandom!secrets about her.

😐

Deep.

I was Pocahontas for Halloween once. It was a lazy costume. I wore a brown suede skirt and a thin tunic thing with tribal embroidery because I was NOT going to wear an itty bitty little dress, and I made a headband and plucked a feather from my friend Jenny’s angel wings (Spoiler Alert: she was an angel that year) and wore a wooden elephant head necklace that I still have and wear occasionally and unironically SO TAKE THAT.

I, um, have to post this.

Alright, let’s move on to the clothes.

Cotton Candy Madeline Dress in Caramel ………. $39.99
Knit Open Cardigan ………. $19.80
Canvas Chain Fold Front Flat ………. $22.50
Sequin Necklace ………. $14.97

This was simple enough. I picked a light cotton dress in that pretty beige color. Plus, it’s versatile, so you can wear it even when you don’t feel like imitating a Native American princess. It’s winter and I’m always cold (mostly due to poor circulation, but don’t worry, because I’m seeing a hypnotist to correct it, and I’m seeing an acupuncturist to help me get over my paralyzing phobia of needles, which in retrospect seems like an ill-considered move) so I added a brown cardigan.

The shoes are pretty simple: canvas, brown, something vaguely shiny going on there. And they resemble the moccasin style without actually being moccasins, which I like, because I don’t like moccasins. It’s because my dad made me wear loafers when I was a kid. Well, he didn’t make me. He strongly suggested it. And bought me loafers. And asked me why I wasn’t wearing them when we were out in public doing things. So basically he made me wear moccasins.

I DON’T LIKE THEM. THEY”RE HORRIBLE.

>:(

You’re going to have to excuse me; I have to go sit in the corner for a while.